I came across this article on BBC News website some days ago and then remembered my old boss telling me about that tendency.
I like languages, I speak a few, and as I aim at working in Public Relations, I take a natural interest in examining writing and talking styles. As a non-native English speaker, I sometimes have difficulties to recognise what seems mind-wrecking for native speakers. I think it’s easy to get contaminated if only to impress an interviewer. Although I am a true believer of the “simple language”, I am the first one to try to look “smart” by using clever-sounding words and expressions.
I made a list (yep, another one, for those who don’t know me, “making lists” is a genetic disease running in the family.) of my favourite worst bits of management speak I found on BBC News.
As we say in France: ” Ce qui se conçoit bien s’énonce clairement” * = Which is conceived well is enunciated clearly. Should we deduce from that, people especially managers (or “team leaders” as they’re called now) have no idea what they are talking about?
I’ll let you make up your mind:
1 – Idea showers for brainstorming. Very poetic!
2 – Let’s touch base about that offline. I’m not too sure what it means, something like talking in private I guess.
3 – My door is open on this issue. I think it means they are still thinking about the issue.
4 – Problems are now Challenges, which gives surreal dialogues like: “I’m having problems with the new software” – NO! You don’t have problems! You have challenges! (Ey… really? ok then…)
5 – We are still optimistic things will feed through the sales and delivery pipeline. I have to admit, I like this one as I needed to read three times to understand what it was actually about.
6 – And also in addition. This one is American but that’s not an excuse. What would it be next? “And besides in addition, they also have to conversate the results of the idea shower more efficiently…” (Ouch!)
7 – You can’t have your cake and eat it, so you have to step up to the plate and face the music. I’m sorry I still haven’t made out what this means…
8 – Wouldn’t want to wrongside the demographic for upsetting the client. I do like this one, I find it quite poetic as well.
You can add to the list words taken from warship vocabulary which makes our leader sounding like very confused war lords…
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* The complete quote is: “Ce qui se conçoit bien s’énonce clairement et les mots pour le dire viennent aisément“. Nicolas Boileau in the Art Poétique.
Which is conceived well is enunciated clearly. And the words to say it come easily.
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